Why does Fort Gorges seem to taunt Portlanders so?

It sits out in Casco Bay in full view of the Eastern Prom - easy to see, but not easy to get to.

In that prized position over the family room fireplace - where keen shooters might display a pair of bony antlers or a taxidermy goose - I could mount half a dozen pigeons.

It's about as close to walking on water as some of us are ever going to get.

The first time I went horseback riding, I learned a lot about bees.

That's right. Bees.

I must've missed High Heel Day in high school.

Turns out, all the night stalking was unnecessary. The elaborate surveillance - in 20-hour shifts, breaking only for short naps on the G&R Dimillo's patio - was all for naught.

Here's what I knew about alpacas a week ago: They look like small camels, only fluffier.

That's it.

Sure, budgets are tight. But it's not like we're going to stop drinking beer.

"Once upon a time, in a land far, far away."

That's how stories started when we were young.

Spring lures the green back to the trees and warmth back to the breeze. It also chases away the snow and, with it, the season's snowboarders and skiers.

It's not easy to ski on melted winter.